news...

Well...this one is gonna be a long one.

car is still not doing so well...i think i am going to have to buy another one, but used cars are always a risk and i definitely cannot afford a brand new one...so its a risk i have to take. however i think we might get a couple more estimates on my current car if i can start it to get it to any of those places.

i haven't driven since Wednesday and this morning i tried, but it was like 7 degrees outside feeling like -10...so my car was not having any luck. the cold does not help a car when it is already sick. so i guess its my turn to be driven around for awhile as it has been a role i have played with friends over the years...but it would be nice to have something working sooner than later...its hard to feel like an inconvenience for other, ya know...

i received a letter from KU the other day thanking me for applying to their Social Welfare program so that is exciting...but i will still have to wait until at least February before i know.

i had an interview with H&R Block last week, and was told that I would be getting a letter offering me a seasonal job. i told them i could work from 8am-1pm and then i still have the possibility of taking over Bea's nannying of an 11 year old boy from 3-6pm. it would put me in a great place financially and both would be pretty easy for the most part. H&R Block would be working at a call center until tax season is over and George would be difficult, but just a few hours a night.

i say he would be difficult because i am just not used to working with children that have everything they need. i see many things in George that are similar to kevs, as they both are young boys and have more responsibility that most kids their age...but in very different ways. working with kevs was hard...i mean his story is a rough one, he has seen violence, lived in poverty and has no idea where his biological family are, or what they are doing. he lives in a country that is a polar opposite of America and in all reality is happy if he gets to have an hour of your attention...to play a board game, be on the Internet or watch a movie...those things are huge privileges because in Haiti you don't have electricity all the time and he lives in a house with anywhere from 16-21 other children.

George on the other hand...is really blessed and has all these video games, and things to keep him occupied so that simple games like hang man are just NOT entertaining. to be honest i don't know how to work with it. i mean it makes me feel really lame...because what i see as fun and creative is just old school and boring to kids in his environment. i am excited to get to know him, to set boundaries with him, to be another adult investing in his life. however i am afraid that i am so far removed from his culture that i wont know how to be fun or how to express to him and help him understand how lucky of a kid he is. he has so many options not just now with things to play with, but in life as well. some kids i know are lucky to get food in their day and their toys are a stick and a tire. the other day i watched him with 3 other kids and realized its SUCH a different world. but they need love and attention and boundaries in their life as well, so we'll see how it goes. hes a great kid...just such a different world then i am used to.

then on top of that i received an invite from the brooks family to come to Georgia and be there. i think i have wanted this invitation since my week down there, but now that its really happened I'm like wait is that really the right thing?...i am having such a hard time discerning which direction the Lord wants me to go. i have had close friends tell me there is more for me than Kansas city and to go, that my heart seems so present there and to look at MSW programs there. then i have had others express that i should be what the brooks family is to me here...to make that space for others and myself here in Kansas city. others have expressed that in leaving i may never learn to adjust and just be running away from letting go of expectations and trying to learn how to live life differently in KC.

i think to an extent all of them are speaking truth from God...i do believe that God has created me for more than Kansas city, that a part of me will always be with the brooks in Georgia. however i also think that a little bit of me would be running away if i went to Georgia because i never let go of the way my life looked like in KC before i left. i think i expected to come back and hop right into the way it was before. however i cant do that...because people change, life changes, I'm not the same person. i feel God is calling me to live differently than before. if i do go to Georgia i think i will come back to Kansas city and go through the same adjustment issues all over again...in short i could spend all day talking about why i should go or shouldn't go...i have been searching for some peace of mind...and i think i am getting closer...

i could be wrong, but i am feeling more and more that sunny brooks farm in Georgia will become my safe place...that space where i retreat to often to fill my cup to overflowing...and that i am very excited about. but then again...i still don't know if that is truly the path that i will take...i am going to continue to seek counsel and above all be asking for guidance from my savior and king.

this blog seems so long, but in reality i feel i have left so many ideas, feelings and thoughts out...so here ya go, this is where i am at. each day seems to get better...i know i am blessed and for that i am continually thanking the Lord.

Merry Christmas to everyone. thank you for being in my life.

PEACE TO YOU, GLORY BE TO GOD, & LOVE LOVE LOVE