its ok to go slow

I have applied to a couple jobs and also shadowed to possibly work at the church in kc i have been going to since 2002. however all doors have closed whether it was from the employer or in my spirit...it turns out i am still not ready to enter into this world here in America...its only been a little over a month and i think i was feeling i needed a job because everyone was telling me that and because it seemed the obvious next step. however my adapting is hard in words and emotions i cant even express. going to Georgia was healing, but i think it just opened up the flood gates for my tears. i break out in sobs sometimes and right after shadowing that is what i did...i sobbed in the prayer chapel for a long time listening to the Lord and my spirit...trying to figure out what is going on.

I know i was only living in Haiti for 10 months, yet a BIG piece of my heart has been there since 2002 and it never left...for a dream to have finally come true and now its ended in a sense...i don't know what to do with myself. Haiti was home, it is home, i miss the kids, i miss the culture, i miss all the little things, i miss being productive in the world, i miss doing daily life there...

then outside of that there are all these emotional things about being here, I'm not in the know when it comes to inside jokes, pop culture, i am not in a cycle or spirit of go go go, I'm filled with ALL these conveniences and unnecessary things, TV, electricity, cold weather, walking outside by myself, being out at night, i mean its such a different world.

i was blessed to spend this past Saturday night with 2 friends that also have lived and served in other countries, Africa and Korea. we talked for hours about adjusting, life there, life here...in short its OKAY to take time...one took 4 months before getting a job again, the other is going on 3 months and not planning on getting a job soon. it gave me relief to know that i wasn't the only one or that its OKAY to go slow.

then while listening to the Lord speak truth to me in my sobs on Sunday, He confirmed...He hasn't told me to get a job yet, to wait on Him, He is my comforter, and has a plan...i need to rest and have faith...doors will open and they will close...and i will continue to pray.

i think if i do get a job anytime soon it needs to be MINDLESS or with at risk families/children/youth.

so...sorry i am depressing right now...hopefully with time these will become a bit more joyous as this is the Christmas season. I PROMISE I AM THANKFUL FOR MY SAVIOR!!

have a day filled with blessings
Tasha