pale anpil

i was suppose to leave marianna tonight, but junior doesn't want me to leave and to be honest i don't either...wish i could kidnap him and bring him to georgia with me...but more than that i wish i could work it out so he could go home and visit his family....his visa status is in a place that makes this pretty much impossible if he wants to come back and finish his school. please pray for his spirit. i think about how difficult it was for me when i return after spending 10 months and missing everyone...this is his country, his people, his family. please keep him and his family in your prayers.

i have had a total of 10 speaking engagements in 7 days....its been great but every time i speak i have to somewhat relive it all...its draining on my spirit...

i have had a hard time writing on here, not really knowing where to start or how to express all the thoughts and feelings i have had in processing it all...if i am even doing a great job at that...so i thought i would just give you and excerpt out of my journal...

Jan. 31, 2010...

"Lord i haven't even begun to write down all the things i have gone through in here since the earthquake...feeling like i need to, but knowing that even writing won't be able to explain it all...express the feelings, the smells, the sounds, the emotions....but lets just start...somewhere in it all i know you have used me and have a purpose...i dont understand...but i know all things work together for the good to those who love you...and OH HOW i love you...and OH HOW you love the haitian people.... so where to begin...

i left on the 24th...but lets see...the actual earthquake- running into a building seconds after to get poutchino...3rd floor...24 hours in the hospital parking lot...now a clinic, hospital, morgue- more groaning, weeping, moaning than i ever want to hear in my life again- women burned from head to toe- pooping next to the morgue area- holding poutchino...giving him fluids...no diaper to change him into...he is ok though- my sister was with me...so thankful for her- God prepared us...flash light...water....sandwich...thanks to dorothy, but mainly our heavenly father- singing with sr. jesula...singing with her..seeing God answer prayers as i pray...HE IS SO GOOD- 19 hours later knowing dorothy's house and everyone in it is ok...hallelujah- the drive home...bodies..more people than i ever want to see on the street...praying so hard...never so anxious and nervous to arrive somewhere in my life- hugs and praises...GOD IS GOOD- sleeping outside with nannies and kiddos- kervens leaving and going with beaver- kathy coming with taylor-trying not to break down when hugging them- sr. claudia at the clinic in so much pain...waiting all day- poutchino getting better...a miracle, but he needs a fever to get a medical visa- aid coming in only the way God can orchestrate- aftershocks...more than anyone can be okay with- stories of fellow missionaries...cease to show the glory of Gods covering...meeting joshline and giving my story to her for a pod cast...in haiti- clinic and convoy of hope feeding 1,000's and being a part of it at the chapel- His home orphanage...displaced- taking sr. rosie's daughter to the clinic- hearing her pain- seeing sr. bebe not being able to walk...only tylenol- talking with sr. jesula...what a humble woman...the heart of jesus...compassion and pain...praying under a sky full of stars- breezes only the islands could give-talking with keziah...what an amazing woman- driving around...dead bodies...people everywhere...can there really be this must destruction in any place...it hurts to see buildings pancaked...i so hope no one is in there...God be with them- tent cities everywhere...speechless...over 1 million homeless...Lord stop the rains- ti ser AIDS clinic...where to begin- pepe braiding my hair...laughing...joy and praise...relationship and thankfulness...despite despair- sr. marie and me playing cards out of a laundry basket- sr. lucienne's beautiful spirit...so thankful- Josie's smile- poutchinoe standing again- checking on my nephew issac...so sick...he knows me...good to hold him...going to search for diesel, kerosine-waiting in line for gas...over 2 hours- the market with sr. marie...a special treat of pate...praise the lord- strawberry pop tarts...every morning...Gods provision- karen's clinic- seeing fransisco...what a brave young man...God give him the strength to know loosing peterson is not his fault...God brings glory to His name through all- going with 47 kids to the embassy...talk about human as cattle in a truck...all day long there...issac vomiting on me...a LOT of vomit- MRE (meals ready to eat)...this is how the army does it...crazy- emergency run to chapel to get out with ALL these kids- laoding Chris' orphans in truck to go to the airport- on tarmac for over 3 hours- the miracle of a place to put all the orphans on to leave- being with isna...so nervous and confused- having to leave without issac because he wasn't there in time...heart wrenching-customs for 19 hours- Issac on 2nd plane...PRAISE THE LORD- having a cold myself through it all- issac having diarrhea...no way to change him...all over me...breakdown in terminal...GOD you have to do this...i cant do it anymore...i am so tired...i cant do it...of course...He makes a way- laying on a bed inside for the first time in 2 weeks with issac & isna by my side- seeing my sister...wow that felt good- almost missing the greyhound at 5am- seeing junior! i cannot even begin to say how wonderful that feeling is- being with the melvins...what a blessing- gabby...shes so precious...all their children...including junior (smile)- speaking at so many places...over $1,700 raised-still sick...overwhelmed-hard seeing junior miss haiti and his family so much...wish i could bring him back to georiga with me...love being with him- a bed to sleep on inside!!!! wow....i am so tired...

praise you for it all...even the parts i don't understand...i know you have a pupose for it all...no matter what satan's goal the vistory is already won in YOU! i love you. goodnight Abba..."

i dont know that you even read it all as there is no flow...no complete sentences...but sometimes its all i can give...bits and pieces...

Gods grace and blessings upon you all.