it's really draining all these different emotions raging throughout my spirit...going from, depressed, excited, full of visions for the possibilities ahead to confused, frustrated and a bit mad....
really feeling a lack of direction in all of it....as we believe God has plans for it and people have expressed interest in keeping it open...it seems everyday there is a new idea or plan for this place....and all my emotions are making me extremely exhausted.
i know Gods got this.... for He declares in Jer 29:11 the plans he has for me, not to harm but to prosper and give hope... He declares His goodness....working all things together for good to those that love Him... and OH how i LOVE Him!!!!
so i know good things are in store...but in being drained by all the emotions i often want to run away... specifically to Kansas City, where my family and closest of friends are...my home...my first home....don't get me wrong i love Georgia, i love Haiti, and i LOVE LOVE LOVE where ever i am and junior is there, but the idea of being in Kansas City makes me feel so safe and secure....but going there would not be going there out of obedience to God so I know its probably not the right idea...
as of right now the plan is for me to stay on MUCH staff as a missionary of course...doing things stateside somewhere in Georgia...
there will still be lots to do:
- communicating with all the donors that will still partner with much ministries
- fundraising and marketing the things that we will be doing (trade school, possible intern program and marketable products from Haiti)
- sending emails and updates on what's happening in the ministry
- keeping the website up to date (thanks to my webmaster- Jon)
- even moving forward with marketable Haiti good- delivery and relations with buyers/sellers of these products
however i will most likely need to start raising support to continue being a missionary for MUCH...not sure what this will look like, but we are pretty sure they will not be able to pay.
Granted we have been SUPER blessed and i have no doubt God will take care of this!
but not only is the market place going to be gone, but they will sell their property with their home, maybe rent it out...not really sure, but junior & i have been blessed to live their on the property in a SWEET cottage so we might have to find a new place to live...but all of it is up in the air...
the unknown, the transition, the in between... it is a hard place to be...
i do believe it is often where we learn and grow the most...but it is draining to be on a roller coaster ride... i have even felt a bit sick to my stomach at times...
but its a process and i pray that i am walking in grace...and the moments that i lack the grace to give, my Father in heaven has grace for me...and for that i am forever thankful... PRAISE THE LORD!
so there you have my heart and my funk... somehow it works together... and GOD will make it for the good... He's just that COOL!
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